Monday, May 3, 2010

Disclaimers (a Totally Boring Post)

I find myself putting disclaimers in front of most of my blog posts, and then deleting them later when my husband reminds me, "Don't make excuses. Just say what you're gonna say."  For instance,  I deleted this from the last post:
I feel a little funny putting "Book Review" in the title, because it sounds like I'm some avid reader who is manifesting these expert opinions. I haven't really read many book reviews so I'm not sure what they are supposed to sound like. I can tell you how it made me feel, so I'm going to go with that angle.
The reality is that I struggled for an entire day with that last post.  I hated that book!  I'm not entirely sure what it was that bugged me so much about it, but I was super harsh at first, and not putting forward the self that I am striving to be.  Not just on the blog, but in real life.  I want my words to be full of grace, seasoned with salt.  Writing them down just gives me more time to edit my thoughts.  I wanna keep it real, not be one of those perfect-mom bloggers that make everyone else feel inferior; but I also don't want to throw around my scary-PMSing-panicky-no-hope-no-fear-angry voice either.  I'll just tell you: I am way better at being mean than I am at loving.  I wish it weren't true, but it is.  Most of all to myself.  Nobody reads this and I'm cool with that.  I'm a loser.  Goodnight.

(Okay, not really.)

This causes me to ask myself again why I blog at all. Sometimes I just want to be busy with life.  Honoring my family with the [mundane] chores, playing games with my kids, reading books, and sure-- driving them around a-l-l-o-v-e-r-c-r-e-a-t-i-o-n.  I don't want my kids to remember me as staring at a computer screen all the time.  But eventually I start to know that I need to be writing or painting or...something creative, or I am going to have one of my "episodes" where I run around the yard proclaiming "'IF MAMA AIN'T HAPPY', YA KNOW!!"

I'd love to be like The Pioneer Woman and make a six-figure income from blogging.  But I don't want to be known like that.  I don't want to be famous and to be treated like a celebrity.  And I don't want to write mere entertaining drivel either.  I want to show anyone who needs to know, that I am a nutty screw-up who is in love with the grace that God gives out freely and abundantly.  I know a lot about grace and mercy and being a dork and receiving things I don't deserve and weathering pain and growing up.  I want to share my story.  My stories.  I want to practice writing.  I mostly want to practice writing.  I'm all serious about blogging, maybe because...you know...it's open to the whole world!  And Facebook status updates are visible to...you know...Just Friends.  But guess what?  I'm putting myself out there and people are reading those things.  And commenting.  And missing them when they stop!  What the hay?  I just think that's so trippy; why would anyone care what I have to say?  Aren't I just invisible?  See--?  I don't think I could handle getting famous.  I would keel over from weirding out.


So I thought of something.... I'll do it on the next post....

6 comments:

Kathy said...

I totally agree with Dacve and LOOVE the friendship that you have for him to encourage you that way:)

Book reviews are just hard. Its not OOH I just read a cool book or throwing a beautiful quote out..its that you "have" to write somethign and it doesnt feel natural. I struggle with them too. Its kind of like a book report. go to walmart.com or amazon.com, read through and find the different ways real people do them and knock them out:) then there will be more time to paint.

i was thinking about ahving my kid do them as an actal book report. But then that wouldnt be my review and.....

Barlow Family said...

Wendy, if you become famous and make 6 figures, can I borrow like 20,000 to pay off my truck and not really have to pay it back?? :) I love the Pioneer womans blog but I had no idea she made that much money!!! I dont know how that lady cooks, cleans, tends to the children, has time to REMODEL, and blog away!!!! I can barely tend to the children! I love when you post on your blog:)

Jessi said...

I just wanted to say that I LOVE reading your blog, I get excited when I see a new post and I really like hearing what you have to say. You are honest and thoughtful and bring God into your writing and life in a way that feels real and honest and not annoying or trite (which I find is usually the case). I would read you every day if you posted that much! (-:
I think you offer a very different perspective from most mom bloggers because of your faith, your creativity, your willingness to be honest and the fact that you have 5 kids. All of those factors combined with the fact that you are YOU and no one else is YOU make you incredibly unique and wonderful and I wish you could make 6 figures doing this. Or even just a decent wage that would help out...
Keep writing, friend! You are not invisible and your words are worth writing...

Amber said...

I am also way better at being mean than loving. Do love ya, tho. Hang in there.

And just so ya know, I don't ever comment cause I read blogs through a feeder, so commenting is a whole extra step that I don't ever (hardly) do cause I am a lazy lurker. Thereyahaveit.

Shannon said...

I know what you mean about struggling with who your audience is and with what exactly you're trying to tell them. I didn't want to blog for a long time because the whole idea just seemed really self-centered and like having this feeling that my mundane thoughts have more importance than they actually do.

But, what I've gotten out of blogging now that I've started is the knowledge that my true, authentic feelings are often shared by others, and by them reading what I've written they in turn feel validated and understood. In your case, no one can truly relate to "perfect mommy" because it doesn't exist, so it's good that you don't put up that front, you know? I think honesty and humility are one of the most important things in blogs. Not humility in the sense that we put ourselves down, but in the sense that we realize we are both unique and like everyone else at the same time.

Jen Gray said...

I feel you on this one. I get in these weird mind games with myself. Adam started asking me "who are you blogging for?" and I realized that sometimes....I just don't know!?! Sometimes it is for Anna (documenting her life), sometimes for my audience (LOL, meaning for the grandparents and friends) and sometimes (most of the time, I think) it is just for me, because I just like doing it. But then....I get depressed when I have few comments. I start wondering "is anyone out there?" I'll admit it, I like getting the feedback. I have to stop and remind myself that I don't always comment on others' blogs because half the time I race through reading it before jumping into the next task (and, often enough, the task is something like helping wipe a poopy butt and then, well, it's kind of hard to remember to come back and say something like, hey, you're cool, keep writing. It just loses the flow, you know? ; ) )

Anyway. Keep at it. We are out here. Do it for you, do it for us, just do it, whatever the reason. And totally DO be real. That is usually something I don't seem to have a problem with (maybe sometimes to my detriment?).