Friday, July 6, 2007

You Are Grace To The Brokenhearted

My life has theme songs. That's all there is to it.

Presently, I hate the inside of my house. It's old, it's been jacked up, it needs to be painted and "finished" and there is cream carpet in the dining room. I have four kids. Cream carpet plus four kids equals "what smells like pee/spoiled milk/wet dog?" (We don't have a dog.) So the house is incessantly below my standards. Not to mention the normal large-family stuff of laundry and toys and school papers and what-have-you cluttering up the world. It's like quicksand--the quicker I move to get out of this pit, the worse it seems to get!!! And the thing is, I thought my job as a wife and SAHM (stay-at-home-mom for those of you who don't subscribe to such blogrings), which I have been happy to embrace, was to keep everything in order...and a bunch of other details that I'll save for my resume...which means, in every direction I look, I'm a failure. I'm hard-pressed to find a success on my long list of expectations for myself...except that my kids are cute, happy, smart and haven't managed to kill themselves yet, although Z gives a daily go of it. "...Times are tough, the goin' rough, like there never was a Master Plan."

This crisis sits patiently next to the recent one I've gone through in my marriage, reminding me that there is hope within brokenness, a light at the end of the tunnel, if you will.

This is the song that encourages me today, in view of my struggles in my JOB and crisis in general. Thank you, Lost Dogs, for preachin' it to me again and again...God speaks to me in Rockabilly.

Blessing in Disguise-- Lost Dogs

How often do you spot the angels

Or feel the unseen hand?

Most times are tough, the goin’ rough

Like there never was a master plan

Those steadfast doors don’t open

And you pray but you don’t understand

You’ve got to...

Hold fast the hope that’s in you

Don’t always trust your eyes

Sometimes it takes a long time to see it as a

Blessing in disguise

We live upon this dark surface

And God, He moves upon the deep

What is concealed will be revealed

There is no promise He won’t keep

Some are confused by the shadows

We’re awake now but we’re half asleep

Hold fast the hope that’s in you

Don’t always trust your eyes

Sometimes it takes a long time to see it as a

Blessing in disguise

Sometimes the dark can move our hearts

To lean for the light of the Son

And our ways don’t become His ways

Until we are undone

Hold fast the hope that’s in you

Don’t always trust your eyes

Sometimes it takes a long time to see it as a

Blessing in disguise

And after you’ve been broken

You may not realize

That you are grace to the broken hearted

And a blessing—a blessing in disguise

Thank you, LORD, that you bind the brokenhearted, that you are renaming me an oak of righteousness, a planting of YOU, for the display of your splendor. This is the year of the Lord's favor.

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Signs...and Wonders

*Disclaimer: there were some pretty sweet pictures of Yellowstone as part of this entry, but they were back-linked to another blog that I deleted, which then deleted the pictures here. I would just get them off the hard drive, but our hard drive crashed, and I'm still waiting for all my pictures to be extracted. Someday I'll get them back up...

I have been feeling the pull to write, but not having a lot of time alone, and being a perfectionist (defeated perfectionist if you will), I don't think I can get all my "deep thoughts" down before someone needs me again. I have a great story to tell: a story of betrayal and redemption and drama and rejoicing!! But I'll just have to rest in the fact that God knows I want to write, God knows I have a story to tell (He's the author, afterall!) and He knows what it's gonna take to get the two things together.

For now, I will be simple and sweet...

In Yellowstone, I was struck with irony when we were driving about on roads that were flanked with--yes, buffalo--but also caution-yellow, diamond-shaped signs that read "ROUGH ROADS AHEAD" followed by, "VERY ROUGH ROADS AHEAD" and then, "EXTREMELY ROUGH ROADS AHEAD".....until finally you came around the bend and saw this:

(insert awesome picture of the Grand Canyon of Yellowstone here!)

We had traveled the "extremely rough roads" and we were on top, looking down into the valley! This breathtakingly beautiful expanse that is so huge it threatens to swallow you up. As you stare in awe and the peripheral caves into your focal point and the thunder of a waterfall roars next to you, drowning out all your fears and your doubts, you realize God is very big and I am very small--certainly he is in control and knowing--as even all of this was formed with but a whisper from His lips, and I can rest, not knowing, not seeing, not being capable, or able, or confident in myself.


Psalm 93

1 The LORD reigns, he is robed in majesty;
the LORD is robed in majesty
and is armed with strength.
The world is firmly established;
it cannot be moved.

2 Your throne was established long ago;
you are from all eternity.

3 The seas have lifted up, O LORD,
the seas have lifted up their voice;
the seas have lifted up their pounding waves.

4 Mightier than the thunder of the great waters,
mightier than the breakers of the sea—
the LORD on high is mighty.

5 Your statutes stand firm;
holiness adorns your house
for endless days, O LORD.