The Big Deal About Hair

The other afternoon the principal emailed all the parents to inform them that a large number of students in the school have been diagnosed with lice, and in order to prevent the further spread of lice --in addition to the normal precautions of staying home if you have the little buggers-- she's "requesting that all children come to school with a fitted head covering that remains on their head all day." Sounds reasonable, although I have to admit that, being the Baptist-bred girl that I am I had a little giggle at the term "head covering" and wondered if it was in fact April 1st. No, it is not, so stop giggling.

The quibble began that night, as soon as I told my very long-haired daughter of the orders from the higher-ups. Without a pause she proclaimed, "everybody's going to be wearing their hair down, mama!" Oh. So apparently that email from the principal was a joke? Dubious.
The next morning I proposed a cute idea for putting her hair up, and if she didn't like it she could change it, as long as it was ok'd by the teacher. But she still had to have her hair up. Up is the point. No dangling hair swishing around, picking up lice. So I do her hair in the cutest little low-pigtail-braids-looped-under thing and send her off to school.
She looked worried.
She nervously fondled her braids.
She schemed.
I took Morgen into her class, and then out of curiosity, went to Korah's classroom to check out how other kids were creatively carrying out the principal's orders. These were the teacher's words: "I saw Korah come in with the super-cute braids, then she ran to the bathroom and came back with her hair down."
My heart sunk. There she was, long hair swishing around, with a brown knit beenie, rockin' the "hipster or homeless" fad. Gone were her American Girl looped braids I'd worked so hard on, as if they'd never existed, her hair still damp from her morning shower.

I am angry. I can't believe she just wasted my time, totally went behind my back, purposefully waited until I wasn't looking to take those braids out...!
Now, something that I'm discovering about myself is that anger is my go-to cover-up for pain. Anger comes easy for me as a learned and rehearsed response. Anger makes me scary and then I can control people, muahahaha! It works great with kids. Of course, the problem with anger is that it sabotages every other parenting goal I have, like communicating unconditional love to my kids. So now the question is, what hurts? Is it that she didn't like my hair-do? That she is risking putting us through Lice, a.k.a. Hell On Earth? That she didn't ask the teacher like I'd suggested, she just changed? That she was kinda sneaky about it? And then I realize what is hurting me the most.

I am a control freak. For 10 years give or take I have been in control --and rightly so-- of what my kids eat, drink, watch, wear, who they hang out with, where they play, what they play with... it's my job. And I love how being responsible for these little lives has caused me to think twice about everything I do, why I should make certain choices and how I need to grow as a person. My own faith has been strengthened as I am challenged to figure out what I believe and to live out the Gospel in front of my kids so that it's not just a fairytale cliche to them. But kids grow up and become adults, obviously. Adults who need to decide for themselves what to wear, how to do their hair, who to play with and what to eat! I have had this goal in mind for my children all along, but if I am really honest about myself I would have to admit...(gulp)...that I am hurt that I have to let up some control over Korah's life. If she gets lice, she will have some consequences to be sure (we all will). But if I make her hair into a big, huge My-Way-Or-The-Highway deal, of course she's not going to trust me with her opinion, her heart. She'll just wait until I'm not looking and change it.

I'm stepping into a new role. Well, not new entirely. I believe that if you're paying attention, God eases you into these new stages. But in this new era of fighting over stupid things like hair-do's, skinny jeans and attempts to consume candy en mass, the bottom line for me is to love my kids no matter what. If you haven't yet walked through puberty with your kids, you will think that is a no-brainer. Of course I'm going to love my kids no matter what! But this particular morning I struggled with that. I struggled with forgiving my kid for having her own opinion about hair for Pete's sake, and for not needing or wanting my help.

And this is where I deepen my understanding of... a whole lotta things. If I love my daughter, I will let her make choices and take appropriate risks. I will leave room for failure or disappointing consequences. I will be prepared to be on her team, win or lose, cheering her on, being her biggest fan. I always used to think that would be easy for me, seeing as how I intensely want that same respect from my parents. Well, that and how I love my kids so much and they are so amazing and how could our family not be that anomaly of perfect relationships? But in real life, your kids grow up faster than you ever expected, and your role warps and changes before your very eyes and is quite a malleable thing (you are now realizing), and no matter who you are, this is largely a train-on-the-job experience. But that's where unconditional love can be learned. Right now, marriage is teaching me the same thing: how to love like Jesus. And every time I take a step toward giving up the idea that my relationships aren't solely about me and my own happiness, my heart opens up and I see how deeply God loves me, giving His Son to live, struggle and then die selflessly on my behalf. And geez...that Love is so huge, it's way bigger than any hurt I could ever receive from my husband or my kids.

I want to end with a little excerpt from Sacred Parenting (Gary L. Thomas). I haven't read the whole thing, but I'm glad to know that this book is based on an idea that God is already in the process of teaching me: that marriage and parenting can change my character, make me more human, more dependent on and like Him if I let it...

"When a child disobeys, God calls us to respond in love. Anger may become a servant of love, but it must never define it. Children need to see our total commitment to them, so they realize that our angry response does not reflect self-seeking (as though the greatest offense is the embarrassment brought on us) but rather shows a fierce and passionate concern for their well-being. Anger that mirrors God's own anger is thus a selfless anger. One element of self-interest remains -- grief that a relationship has been betrayed and that trust has been broken -- but the grief tilts toward what the offender has lost and toward our hope for their welfare." Sacred Parenting, Gary L. Thomas; chapter 7: Burning Love

That is what I hope to look like as a mom...

**PS- do you like my Donald Miller-esque bold paragraph headings? For some reason I hated that he was doing that and now, for some reason, I'm feeling compelled to try it out! What is that all about?!

Micah's 5th

More pictures, stories and, as can be expected with all things Micah, silliness and laughter to come. For now, this:

Field Trips

After scurrying around dropping kids off for school, I hopped the MAX just in time to join Taylor's 3rd grade class on their field trip downtown to the PSU farmer's market.

Abe was there.

My favorite thing on field trips is to take pictures of the class as they're listening to the host or a tour guide, and later checking out their expressions. I'll take several pictures and it's amusing to see who is consistantly not paying attention at all, who is nerdily answering all the "who knows..." questions, who is completely bored, distracted, surprised, contemplative. Kids just let it all hang out; I love it.

This was the Chinook dude who had been fishing in Hood River since the wee hours of the morning until it was time to drive up here to sell his catch. They were unloading his van as we arrived.

Lord have mercy, cut me a piece of that and I'll eat it right here and now. Mmmmm...

Taylor brought a few dollars of his own that he carefully spent on: this delicious white peach...

...and the ever-coveted honey stick.

What is it with the honey sticks? They are crazy about them. Crazy, I tell you. As if eight-year-old boys aren't crazy enough.

And then there was this chubby ball of fleece, my little tag-a-long.

Carving Out Some Time.....

.....to make some cards. Or a card. My aspirations are still far higher than I can breathe without an oxygen tank...

The metal part of the knife is aluminum foil! Tee-hee...dangerous!

Birthday Cards

Some more spontaneous card love for some lovely ladies that I love. Birthday love.


...and another one, which I did while babysitting and couldn't photograph, is given a very sweet review here. I might just branch out from the Chinese Lantern thing soon, I can feel it...

RAAAWWWR!!

How to Relax Like a Vonderhizzle 101

So, Morgen turns six, sprouts fairy wings and has some of her little pixie friends over for tea. Then later that day, we high-tail it outta town for a much-needed over-nighter in the woods. A great community dinner with friends, s'mores, guitar and wine by the campfire late into the night and we were right where we needed to be. Breathing deep...

Except that I feel like I should clarify what I mean by "guitar" and you'll understand (especially if you knew us as Californians) what I mean by "relaxed". See, I told Dave to bring his guitar, and he mumbled something about not wanting to play in front of everyone... yeah, whatever. So much to my disappointment he left his trusty Taylor behind. Well, someone brought a guitar, and inevitably it found its way into Dave's hands, which led to the inevitable medly of TV theme songs. Which, of course, for us late-Gen Xers, led to the inevitable fireside sing-along. It was awesome!

And this, of course, led to two things:
1. "Big Red" was stuck in everyone's head for at least a week, and...
2. A new band was formed.

So we'll see what comes of that! Nevertheless it was a riot. SO GOOD for the Vonderhizzles to get away and laugh and not think about laundry or work or a decrepit Vonderhaus. This is how to relax like a Vonderhizzle:

Let us pause for a moment to appreciate the rock that David found (see all the gray rocks in the background?) that is Carhartt Brown! Very cool!

This is how I know I am relaxed: when this is all I bring with me.

It was C-C-C-COLD in the night (and in the morning) and Micah was wearing all the clothes he'd brought. He finally stripped off a layer and kicked back in his 'jams. Relaxin', Micah-style.

Morgen has a made a great friend in the little sister of one of Korah's classmates...so perfect!

They are a cute couple of girls, but... let's just say I keep my eye on them. They are just full of spunk and "good ideas"....

This is how Morgen relaxes... they made a little "bed" of the rocks, pillows and all, and settled in for a little "nap". I'm really glad these two have each other :)

Taylor has lots of open space to explore and discover, without anyone breathing down his neck. This is good for him. And he was finding all kinds of neat stuff.

He even brought home some Minnows, which he was pretty excited about (how he got them home, I'm not sure). He watched them for a few days before they became a can of stink on the front porch. Then he fertilized the garden. I love that kid!

This kid's got like twelve layers on. He's feelin' pretty chill.

So tiny! So cute! Amazingly, he slept great in the pack-n-play in the tent, all bundled up in those layers.

Noble L-O-V-E-S all these rocks. He would pick them up and throw them until he'd cleared a spot and then he'd crawl to a new spot and throw rocks until he'd cleared that one, and so on, tasting a few along the way. One thing about this kid: there is no terrain that is intimidating to him. Grass, gravel, concrete, carpet, water... he'll eagerly explore them all!

(What's this kid thinkin'?)

Mmmm...all cozy in the sun, snugglin' with my boy.
Good times. Good, good times.

On Fairies and Camping

Seis de Morgen! Morgen begged and begged for this candle. Oh jeez, it's the least I can do for that sweet little sweetheart sweetykins.

All the kids helped make our birthday banner. (Ignore the mossy basketball net on our front porch.)

A happy girl blowing out her birthday candle.

What beautiful girls! They don't sit side-by-side like this often, so it's amazing to see how alike they look. Hmmm...I look at these two pretty fairy girls and what I see is a ying and yang of joy. They are both so different, and give me a giddy feeling of joy in such different ways. It's inexplicable, but together, it feels like wholeness. I hope they are always friends, the years only drawing them closer.

Present time! Fairies get really cool gifts...like a wooden star wand and felted art and other neat things I couldn't see because the whole event looked like this:

A whirling dervish of fluttering fairy wings! A blurry blizzard of magicalness!
If it weren't for her brother, who gave her a nickle wrapped in half a roll of tape, the whole thing would've lasted a mere 2.5 minutes.

Our campy indoor banner; should be good for the whole birthday season...

ACK!!

One of the traditions at the kids' school is to have the parent come in and tell a story about their child or about their birth. It seemed mortifying at first, but I really quite like it. It's fun to brag on your child in front of her class. And because it's expected and anticipated, they are not dying of embarassment. All the kids love it! So anyway, I got to go in and tell a little story I wrote in the hospital when Morgen was born about the day she was born and why she was given her name. In this story there is a castle on a hill overlooking a lush kingdom of forests and streams, and a king and a queen who are much in love, and a duty to war and a duty to labor... But I shall save that story for another birthday.

Because.... also this day we had the epic event of a VACATION! Or something close to it. After vacuuming up the last of the cupcake crumbs and putting away the last teacup (ha--if you know us at all, you know we left it all there), we threw all our tents and sleeping bags and hotdogs and marshmallows and...well, what else do you need?....into the car and took off for Oxbow Park for a weekend of camping with some of the families from Korah's class. Taylor and I had done a Mother-Son campout there a few weeks prior and I fell in love! There were deer everywhere, a beautiful river and forests to explore...mere minutes from civilization! It's killing me that we've never in our 12 years here, taken advantage of this oasis. We even used to live a scant 15 minutes away! So we came, we relaxed... we didn't see Korah the entire time because she was off exploring the forest with her classmates sans grown-ups (creating some important milestones for sure!). It was fantastic! But frick, was it ever COLD! I was NOT prepared for that, and after the first night we went home for a long, hot shower and then snuggling under many covers in a soft, soft bed!! I have never loved my bed so much!

Because of the amount of pictures I have, I'm going to start a new post. Read on or click here.

Plum-Good

The other day we were on our way home from school and we saw a dude picking up fruit from the sidewalk, just outside someone's yard. And I thought, what a fabulous idea! I have a car-full of day-laborers-- errr-- I mean, helpful [hungry] children, let's get us some free fruit! So I screech around the block, pull over in front of these huge plum trees and order the children to start gathering plums as I dump out Korah's lunch basket and throw it at her.

Then I got out to help. I'm trying to be a little more "hands-on" in the parenting these days.

Then, the owners of the house came out and they were like, "hey! Don't pick that fruit off the sidewalk!" And we all thought we were busted, you know? And I'm going over in my head the rules about fruit on the sidewalk and how it's like, public property, right? And aren't you glad we're cleaning up your sidewalk? But then the people were like, "give us your basket; we'll pick a bunch from the tree! This tree isn't stingy!" And we just stood there in disbelief and gratitude, thinking how this was so spirit of aloha (they reminded me of pacific islanders), and how we want to move to Hawai'i and grow our own plums...and mangoes...and taro root...

Okay, maybe that was just me. But it got me thinking that it would be awesome to have this big neighborhood farmers market trade thing, where a couple of times a year, you just bring boxes of the edibles that are growing in your yard, set it down with all your neighbor's boxes, and then everyone just goes shopping! There's no money exchanged, just a bunch of overflow fruit and veggies that would've otherwise ended up in the compost bin. Isn't that a great idea?

I have lots of great ideas.... I'm working on the man-power part of executing them.

This is what was left today, after only 24 hours. They were SO good...

I was so blown-away by this family running out and filling up our basket with the fruit from their tree (which really was bountiful, but they were doing all the work!) that I had to send them a thank-you card:

I made Korah run up and slip it into the mailbox, as Taylor was yelling "but it says NO TRESPASSING!" from the back seat. So when she got back in the car I peeled out before they ever knew we were there!

No, I didn't. But I do have a kooky, dramatic bunch of kids. I have no idea where they get it.

First Day of School: Part 3

And finally....
Micah gets his own First Day and becomes an official preschool Sunflower Kid! (He has the same teacher that Morgen had last year, and they are in the "Sunflower" room.) Micah didn't want to stand by the door for a dorky first-day-of-school picture; he preferred to pose on a favorite tree stump outside, thankyouverymuch! It's funny how much this kid enjoys posing for the camera! Like not just "cheeeeese!" but he's all striking poses and stuff. And then he tells me about them--his poses-- after the photo shoot. He's hilarious.

Micah also, loves school. I think he loves the second, more sugary breakfast he gets there. He loves all the toys and the stacks and stacks of BOOKS! Teacher Marge said he spent a whole 45 minutes in the kitchen area, practicing using a knife, because that's what they did that day. So yeah, we are all impressed with his interest in one particular genre of play and his ability to stay put for so long. However, I couldn't help but wonder if that was 45 solid minutes of "choosing" time (and what that would mean to me anyway) and...uhmmm....did you say "cutting" with "knives"? Yeah... that's what I thought you said (and what does that mean to me?!).

This kid kills me. What a punk. I want to say he reminds me of one of those nasty Mexican candies that are like Mango-Chili or something? Except not as nasty, and with a much better aftertaste. He's so sweet and giggly and ohmygosh he LOVES his baby brudder! But he's also so... * CRACK! * BAM! * POW! * ...spicy! Sweet and spicy. (*sigh*) What would I do without my little Mexican Candy? (ugh. I need to think of a better analogy for him.)

So now I have two--count them--TWO whole hours where it's just me and the babe (which is less than last year, but shut-up...I'm not talking about last year), and I have some rollerskating dreams that I'm just not going to talk about because as soon as I do, something will come up, or down--like RAIN--and then you all will be like, "Hey, we thought you were going to..." So nevermind that. If I do something besides rush home and take a nap, I'm sure it will be blog-worthy!

Which reminds me, I have to update y'all on the Art 365 daily thing, which--don't get yer hopes up--turned out to be a travesty. Or at least a little bit of a pie-in-the-sky.

Hmm. Pie sounds fun to paint...

First Day of School: Part 2

This time it's Morgen's turn!
I've actually been having a hard time embracing the first day of Kindergarten sentimentality thing with Morgen. Maybe it's because she's the third child; maybe it's because she went to school (and loved it!) last year, so starting up again has been anticipated, and we've been hanging around this school for a couple of years now, not to mention sporadically during the summer. Morgen's not concerned. Her teacher is beautiful and "sings everything she says" tells Korah, and her classroom is just lovely and pretty and fun. I know Morgen's in a good place, making friends, doing fun stuff. And although I forgot Morgen's snack (did I mention that I forgot to pack lunches for the older two on their first day? Maybe Obama should've said something about packing lunches in his back-to-school speech...), I--thank goodness--remembered my camera, and was able to snap a few photos of my big girl in her new classroom!

On another, completely related note, Morgen needed an apron for school. So of course, since I'm on this "I can do that" sewing kick, I had to make her one. It's an apron, not a blouse with frilly sleeves and buttons, for crying out loud. So I did it. I actually just traced a mini-apron that Korah had gotten somewhere (her name was all over it, or it would've been a hand-me-down). The ties were the worst since (1) turning canvas tubes right-side-out is murder on the fingertips! and, (2) my iron decided to stop working completely in the middle of the process. I ended up going old-school and heating up the iron on the stove as Dave chopped wood and the chillin's gathered eggs from the henhouse. Next thing ya know, we'll be pumpin' water from a well Dave dug with his bare hands and well, I think we can all take turns milkin' the cow.

I love this fabric...it's all from Ikea, of course. That there's a double pocket with some stripey detail...

I like the Converse-esque double stitching on the black canvas.

And since this is all about Morgen (okay, and a little about my new, mad sewing skillz), I thought I'd add this little snapshot...(yes, that's a teddy bear sweater on her head)...

She might seem shy if you meet her on the street, but she's really an imaginative, hilarious little goofball. She's an amazing and brilliant and uninhibited and snugly little girl... and yes, I can't believe she's almost six already.

Alright...I'm going to go look through photo albums and sniffle in the corner now.